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Loving Yourself, Wrong?


Mbah Maridjan eventually died. He could not help but blow hot smoke Merapi. When found, he was in a prostrate position. Is this a symbol of loyalty or mere stupidity?

To the many people who ask this to me - both in seminars and training and in light of everyday conversation - I always say that I do not favor the "theory" is. For me, the choices made by Mbah Maridjan is not ignorance, but because of a deep conviction about the meaning of love and loyalty. For him, loyalty must be demonstrated with the courage to risk anything, including death. Did not he have a mandate from Sri Sultan Hamengkubuwono IX to keep Merapi in any condition?

So, that's the meaning of love and loyalty that Mbah Maridjan understood. The problem is, is this true meaning of love? Is love to be demonstrated at the expense of yourself when the option to save themselves so wide open? Then, if the self-sacrifice brings benefits to the people? Or perhaps, this action would inspire others to defend themselves and die together there?

I imagine if Sri Sultan Hamengkubuwono IX is still alive, he would "force" Mbah Maridjan to immediately evacuate. It was he that would remind Mbah Maridjan that last act is not a manifestation of compassion. Love is not something that is blind. Love is not loyalty without thinking. Love is not against the laws of physics and opted to stay alive in the midst of conditions as hot as anything. Love does not mean sacrificing yourself to useless.

True love is an action that always starts with loving yourself. In fact, the real love of self is the basis for loving others. When Mbah Maridjan think that he loves someone else to sacrifice himself, the real action would make it hard for true love. How could she love someone else if he had lost his own life? Would not life be more useful if he save himself to save others then?

The biggest mistake in the understanding of love is the assumption that loving yourself is not important. That loving yourself is a form of selfishness. And that we must love others above ourselves. This concept is often regarded as beautiful and noble concept. However, I want to say that the concept is wrong and will even complicate the act of love itself. Not only that, the concept is precisely contrary to the natural laws of love.

Love yourself totally contrary to love when we love and our selfishness so that we can be more altruistic. A pilot needs to love herself the way to maintain good health, adequate sleep, and eat nutritious food. It is important that the pilot can serve everyone in a better flight. Reduce the break because of busy work that is so high in fact would endanger the safety of all passengers.

A mother is not resting it will reduce its ability to care for their children with loving care. Is not in the plane are also always said that parents who want to help their children should wear a mask to wear a mask first? Just imagine if the parents do not wear a mask but it has helped her son. Could be, he even failed to save her and himself.

As a facilitator and public speaker, I also really maintain my physical and spiritual health. In the midst of my busyness is always concerned with good food, adequate rest and time to exercise. Is selfless act like this against you? Absolutely not. Precisely with this selfish, I have always been in good health and fit so that it can serve my clients with a vengeance, with the whole body and soul. Would not it be hard for me to serve others if I did not feel fresh and fit?

Thus, the true formula of love: love love yourself ahead of others. Therefore, people who love others before loving him will be difficult to carry out his love. Because, how can we give power to others when we are powerless?

Of course, there are in this world people that we call self-centered and selfish. They are the ones who love him solely for himself not for others.

When you do not want to move from the television, when your child is accompanied by a need, then you are called a selfish person. When you do not want to get out of bed when there are neighbors who are in a state of emergency and need help, you called selfish. When representatives of the people we choose to walk out of the country, squandering public money, when we're hit by a deep sorrow because of the eruptions and the Mentawai, that's a selfish act and is contrary to love.

However, if we are selfish in order to serve other people better, it is a noble act, an embodiment of love and loyalty.

I imagine Mbah Maridjan will take reasonable steps have been different if he had heard of my favorite singer George Benson singing The Greatest Love of poetry All: "Learning to love yourself ... is the greatest love of all."

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